#5
Black Metal V8olvo
Ford 302 Powered Volvo 240

Full disclosure: This is my old team. I’m biased. That said, the V8olvo is one mean looking bastid! Gotta love the skeletons handing out the windows and the fact that the car blasted death metal as it drove round and round. What a car. 

#4
Eyesore Racing FrankenMiata
2 or 3 Mazda Miatas

There’s very little left to say about these guys (and Sarah and another lady!@) except that “ghettocharged” is my favorite word of 2008. In fact, while thinking about their awesome ghettocharging I realized that LeMons doesn’t hand out enough awards for mechanical heroism. And again, the car you are looking at set the second fastest lap of the entire race. Huzzah!

#3
Family Truckster
1972 Ford Pinto Squire Wagon

As nifty as the ghettocharging is, it’s not much of a theme and in my mind theme matters. I’ve already told you how I feel about this particular Pinto. And remember — pinto and pinot are just a scramble off. Ahem. So, why isn’t this the number one car? They didn’t get it right! The dead granny ain’t in a rocking chair, the luggage isn’t blue pleather and what’s with those headlights? Tsk, tsk. So, the Family Truckster is only the third coolest car. Sorry.

#2
Pendejo Engineering
Jaguar XJ-S

If you’ll allow me to make a hypocrite out of myself and contradict everything I just wrote for one moment here, I’m sorry — the first 12-banger in the history of LeMons doesn’t need a theme. This car just oozes cool. And if some of you are slapping your heads in disbelief that such a nice looking Jag could be had for $500, A) You can get low mile runners for $1,500 B) This car was a basket case C) you trying getting it to pass smog. Love it, love it, love it! LeMons demands more Jaguars. However, there is one car cooler. 

#1 Coolest Car
Faster Farms Chickens
Plymouth Belvedere II

Where to even start… I begged and pleaded with Jay to make this car the Organizer’s Choice. It’s street legal. They drove it from Alameda up to Thunderhill. There’s no heater and no glass save the windshield. They had chicken suits. This car — unlike the Family Truckster — was perfect down to every last detail. Like the varnished donuts and pizza that were bolted to the dash. They won the award for “Most Dangerous Banned F1 Technology.” Why? They had a rear wing made out of an ironing board that was connected to a bowling ball in the trunk. When you hit the brakes, the bowling ball flies forward and pops the wing up — hence, an airbrake! One of the drivers — Jim — managed to flip the car onto its roof. And while he walked away without nary a scratch, the poor car fell victim to the “Why Am I On My Roof?” rule (no more racing), the Faster Farms guys drove the car home to Alameda. I even know for sure that they made it home, as Autoblog Damon’s wife spotted them at a restaurant in Berkeley last night. Once again, what an awesome, killer LeMons car.

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