[Update: Another bad driving video just added!] Tee hee hee. There was just some righteously lousy driving at last weekend’s Arse-Freeze-Apalooza. Of course there was good driving, too. But it seems to me like most of it was lousy. Fun guys, lots of fun — but lousy. I mean, how many people did I make wander the pits wearing, “Bad Driver” or “No Talent” or “Not Michael Schumaker” sashes? Answer: many. And remember, the cats coming in so I could get all judicial on their asses were the guys (and girls!) that got caught. The poor overwhelmed flag workers just simply couldn’t keep up with the four-wheels off carnage. And most likely tore their rotator cuffs in the process. Don’t believe me? I got the video(s)! Jump…
This one’s pretty great. My pal Ian Wood is driving the #10 Shark car. He’s got the line heading into the chicane. The #6 Sentra pig car comes flying up on the right and hits the first part of the chicane (watch for the orange cone flying up and into the frame after the Sentra hits), and then pushes the Shark car into the second half of the chicane. If you listen closely you can hear Mr. Wood yell, “FUCK!” A couple of points: 1) Wow, that BMW 528e is a hella stout car. There was no damage. 2) Ian got black flagged for this, not the Nissan. Now, I was standing in the penalty box when Ian rolled up. He made the near cardnial sin of jumping out of the car and slamming down his helmet (bad because it not only ruins your helmet, but gets you booted by actual judges who aren’t depending on you for a ride home). Ian then started screaming about the guy that hit him and didn’t get flagged. My first instinct was, “Sure buddy, sure.” But hey, lookie here, vindicated by video. Good on you, Ian.
This is from Adam Lazur’s “Jackass Moments Captured Just For You.” And man, is there some jackassery. Mr. Lazur provides some pretty straight forward commentary (“There is a chicane there. It was there the whole race.”) along with some goofy tunes. Not only does this video answer an age old question (How do you get into a head-on collision while driving on a one way course?) but you get to see another glorious instance of the poor shark car making sweet love to a tire barrier. According to Clay (the driver) it was someone else’s fault. Why, of course!
Oh well well — it’s those Porcubimmer devilas and surprise, surprise — they’re captruing their own jackassery on tape. Normally, I’d lash my tongue even harder, but they did bribe me with a bottle of Zaya Gran Reserva rum… So… who put that bleepin’ chicane there!?! Right in front of the poor, excellent driving, totaly guilt-free Porcubimmers? Tsk, tsk. Also — Scott and the gang — I grabbed and polished off another bottle of Zaya for New Years. You have changed my life. Thank you.
Finally, here’s a nice picture for all you boys and girls. Two wheels off, woo hoo!