We don’t do boring cars around here. It’s just the rule. Why, then, are you staring at a Chevrolet Traverse, you ask? The rig’s a crossover, you say – the very definition of boring. These days “crossover” has come to stand for the same family-driving hell once embodied by the SUV, the minivan and long, long ago, the station wagon. Call me crazy, but my recent nuptials have got me thinking on what kind of family hauler will eventually fit the Bowman household’s needs. Enter the 2009 Chevrolet Traverse. Still falling asleep? Read on.

The way I see it, the future S.S. Bowman needs to satisfy a few categories. First up, it needs to be safe. As much as I’d love to pile the wifey, the brood and all of our belongings in a ’67 Chevelle Wagon, clips of GM’s crash tests from back then prove those rigs to be about a half step above meat grinders. Second, it’s gonna need space. As much as I’d like to believe we could get away wedging our future family unit into a WRX Wagon or a Lancer Sportback, the truth is anyone with a kid drags 2.5 years worth of diapers, toys and food along with them for a day trip. I don’t want Huggies blocking my rearview mirror, so space is a must. Third, it’s gotta have some gusto. This has as much to do with laying down smoky, smoky 11s and towing project cars home as it does getting out of the way of traffic. And finally, it has to be engaging to drive. Has to be. For me, that means a manual gear box and handling that can put a smile on my face and make the kids giggle all at the same time.

The Traverse knocks my first category out of the park. We know safety is about as Fiendish as cold oatmeal, but the truth is getting squished between a Peterbilt and Jersey barrier makes it hard to hit apexes. The Traverse pulls down five-star front and side impact crash ratings, along with a four-star rollover rating. That has as much to do with the Traverse’s tank-like construction as it does the six standard air bags and rollover sensor.

So, safe we got. How’s about space? Despite this crossover’s car-like appearance outside, the thing is cavernous indoors. The first and second-row captain seats are comfy, nearly infinitely adjustable and provide enough leg room for Kareem Abdul Jabbar. Behind the second row is a full-bench third row that’s actually usable. As in, an adult my size (5’11”) can fit comfortably enough in the third row to tolerate a three-hour ride. Not too shabby. Up front, the driver is treated to some genuinely attractive, easy to read gauges trimmed in snappy green lights and chrome. The center stack is well-styled and functional, and the sunroof serves up plenty of light in the cabin. In short, the interior is somewhere you end up wanting to spend time. Big plus.

Safety? Check. Space? Check. Power? If no one told you the Traverse rocks a 3.6-liter, direct-injection V6, you’d be tempted to think there was an honest-to-goodness V8 out front. First, the rumble from in front of the firewall gives you the impression there’s some furious motion going on out there. The 281 horsepower and 253 lb-ft of torque is happy to back up that notion, too. Really romp on the go pedal and the six-speed automatic transmission will kick all those ponies to the front wheels (AWD is also available), resulting in a polite chirp before the traction control kicks in and the torque steer puts you in the oncoming lane. Giggles aplenty. All that pep means the rig has a 5,200 lb towing capacity, which is good enough to drag something boring like a boat around, or haul the next piece of tin home from a barn somewhere. Green light again.

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