Chuck Norris turns 70 today. Rumor has it he bought himself a Nissan GT-R for his birthday.

This is why:

Newton’s Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal to a GT-R.

Chuck Norris and Mr T. got into a GT-R and drove to a bar. The bar instantly exploded as that much AWESOME can’t be contained in one place.

A tsunami that hit the Oregon Coast reportedly caused by an earthquake in Japan was actually the result of early engine dyno runs by the GT-R.

If you tattoo GT-R on your chest you will instantly become a superhero with the ability to take down Batman, Superman, Spiderman and the Hulk all together in a cage fight.

Order a Big Mac at the drive thru of a Burger King in a GT-R and they’ll get you one. For free!

Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to the GT-R idling at rest.

In honor of GT-R, all McDonald’s in Japan have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be GT-R-sized.

Han Solo thought the Millennium Falcon was fast until he drove the GT-R.

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless a GT-R has driven by. In that case the grass is now scorched earth.

When taking the SAT, write “GT-R” for every answer. You will get a perfect score.

If you Google search “GT-R getting its ass kicked” you will generate zero results. It just doesn’t happen.

Driving a GT-R Walter Rohrl completed TWO full laps of the Nurburgring in 7.48. He can no longer bring himself to drive a Porsche and will demo the GT-R’s air conditioning at Nissan press launches.

Luke was conceived in the back seat of a GT-R.

The GT-R has no tachometer. Its engine speed is measured on the Richter Scale.

The GT-R doesn’t need or want a HEMI.

There are no “GT-R Kill” threads on any automotive forum. A GT-R can’t be beat.

The GT-R holds the lap record for every Formula One Grand Prix track ever used.

The GT-R can touch MC Hammer. In fact the GT-R ran his ass over.

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears GT-R pajamas.

From now on The Stig will only drive the GT-R.

When the GT-R launches. It isn’t moving forward, it’s pushing the Earth back.

Diamonds can be created by driving the GT-R over lumps of coal.

The GT-R has no windshield wipers. The GT-R is too fast for rain to touch it.

Used oil from the GT-R isn’t recycled. It’s used as the major ingredient in energy drinks.

The GT-R was what Willis was talkin’ about.

Nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole, except for a GT-R.

There are two types of cars…cars that suck, and the GT-R.

Upon hearing that a GT-R will run Le Mans next year, Audi pulled out.

Gran Turismo 5 will only have one car—the GT-R. Everything else is now redundant.

The speed of light is equal to the GT-R’s top speed…in first gear.

The GT-R made the Kessel run in less than SIX par secs.

There is no such thing as a lesbian, just a woman who has never been on a date with a guy in a GT-R.

Mr T. pities the fool…unless that fool is driving the GT-R.

Running the GT-R’s A/C with the windows down will reverse global warming. On max it will cause the next Ice Age.

In  Jurassic Park, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn’t chasing the jeep. A GT-R was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the jeep.

Rules of fighting: 1) Don’t bring a knife to a gun fight. Rules of racing: 1) Don’t bring a Veyron to race a GT-R.

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