One of the things that I like best about the increasingly famous infamous $500 junk race called the 24 Hours of LeMons is that fully half the fun is in the pits & paddock. Obviously as a LeMons judge I’m a bit biased. However, at least a dozen people said as much to me this past weekend at MSR near Houston where once again me and Jalopnik’s Murilee Martin donned the wigs and robes and meted out our own special brand of justice. In fact, I like the law and order side of LeMons so much that I’m just going to let sexy old Murilee handle the racing part — I’m here to talk about the cheaters and how to punish them. As LeMons founder Jay Lamm is always quick to point out, a bunch of cars going around a track is, “stupid.” As to why Murilee, me and a semi-naked lady are peering into the bay of a battered third-gen Camaro, you’re just going to have to jump to find out. 

See friends, Mr. Martin and me aren’t just regular judges. Hell no! We’re crooked judges. Meaning that if you cheat we take the innovative step of allowing you to bribe your way out of it. And all racers cheat. And for LeMons Texas we decided that if you bribe us, we’ll spray paint that fact right onto your car. That way the other teams will know what conniving bastids you really are. To the point: The lady with little in the way of clothing is one of the drivers of the Witch Doctors/Bikini Racing team (they managed to finish in second place). In lieu of a more conventional bribe — say $10 bills duct taped all over their cheatin’ 383 stroker — these guys opted to have this gal wear a very skimpy bikini when their car was raked over the coals of our Bullshit Inspection. Did their ploy work? They finished 2nd, didn’t they?