The shit talkin’ is reaching new heights of cattiness here on Autofiends. In this edition of “You Be the Judge” I’ll be taking off my sexy, figure-flattering judicial robes and letting y’all decide. In this corner we have the amazingly named Pendejo Racing and their epic, triple cool Shaguar XJS. With twelve — count ‘em, twelve – cylinders of British fury beating under bonnet there is no doubt Pendejo’s Jag can fly by cars the way Sir Winston Churchill raced after fifths of gin. But in that corner we have the #10 car, a BMW 528e with 350,000+ miles on it and piloted by Southern California’s greatest driver (just ask him). All dressed up like a shark, too. Jump to hear each side’s argument.
First up, the Pendejo’s: “The best one of the race yet was the shark car got taught how not to leave the door open with a ultra clean pass on the inside between 6 and the tire barrier on 7 by our jag on the race to the checkered flag. So after not being able to re-pass us on the straight he chose to be a typical BMW driver and drive into our passenger door and yell Your a asshole DUDE! to our driver. As far as racing goes that was BS on a huge level and secondly you actually tried to hit a 4 thousand pound car with you Bavarian crap can. We were laughing our asses off..”
Oooh! Fightin’ words, indeed. Teaching peeps to drive (on the last lap of the race, too), yelling about typical BMW drivers, calling the Shark a “Bavarian crap can,” etc. Nasty stuff. But, obviously, the Sharks bite back!
Sharks: “I have video of that supposed “Ultra Clean Pass” where I pass your Jag driver on the inside(left) of the turn before the chicane. He then goes from my right around my tail and sneaks up on my left(where there was no room unless you had one wheel in the dirt) and slams my left side just before the chicane. ULTRA CLEAN. The same place another knuckle head put our Shark into the Chicane barrier earlier that day. Yeah I yelled at your driver. He rammed me and nearly put me into the tires. All because I passed your two tonner on the inside cleanly. This wasn’t the first time you car banged me. Funny thing was it was in the same turn 8 with me way on the inside and clean your drive came over into me on day one. Not sure what you term as clean, let alone “Ultra Clean”, but I have the video to prove your driver rushed up and rammed my left side. And I never tried to hit your car. I really wanted to but my better half restrained myself from doing a pit maneuver on your ass in the last turn. I have no problem getting passed cleanly. Your boy DID NOT pass me cleanly and taught me no lesson.”
Oh snap! Hell, make that double snap! And you just know that the Pendejos will have a witty, cutting response. Why, here it is:
Pendejos: “First of all, your rookie driving skills and lack of track awareness is what got your in trouble. You left the door wide open and as a racer and a competitor on the last lap of the race, it was my duty to try to repass you. I pulled up inside of you cleanly and you tried to close the door on me. TOO LATE. If I did get 2 tires off it was only after you turned left into me. I then had position on the tire chicane. Not my fault you didnt protect your line. I find it funny I managed to drive both days and never had contact with anything or anyone. How many things did you hit again? Id [sic] love to see the video. Both of them.”
Ladies, please! Now, there are some who might say that a wheezing 528e might be the reason the Sharks got passed by the mighty Brit. After all, it’s horsepower you need on the long straight. Others might say the Pendejos live up to their name. Needless to say, they go on like that for a couple dozen more comments. No one is anyone’s bitch, bitch. The proof as they say, is in the profanity laced video. It’s up to you. And even if you can’t decide on who is right/wrong, you’ll give the George S. Patton-style cussing a big time thumbs up: